cleaning up my messes

My life is such a paradox right now. There are things that I can't seem to get a grip on at all. But then, there are other things that seem to have come together.

Like my thoughts, for instance. I have finally figured out how to organize them. This is HUGE. My secret: lists.

Not to-do lists (although those are good too), but lists OF things. Running lists. You're confused...I can sense it. Here, I'll share. Currently, I have running lists of the following things (yes, there are a lot):

1) Music (to download)
2) Shopping/Present Ideas (for me)
3) Things to Research
4) Things to Make
5) Books to Read/Authors to Search
6) Lyrics to Search
7) Future House Plans
8) Movies to get on DVD
9) Littleton/Denver Churches to visit
10) Blogs to keep up with
11) Stores/Online I Love
12) Recipes/Cooking Websites
13) Websites I Love
14) Good etsy shops
15) Animated Disney Movies (checklist of ones I own)
16) Quotes I Love
17) Camp Life: Ideas (will blog about this later...it's my newest vision)
18) Movies to See
19) Ending human trafficking sites

And that's it for now. Here's how it works...I carry my list notebook in my purse all the time, and when I have a thought, I write it down. Sounds simple, right? It is.

So what's the revolutionary part? People have been doing this for years. True, but I haven't, and I've needed to. I realize that listing is not for everyone, but I'm so happy I've discovered a way to think clearly, record those thoughts, and go on living my life. The lists all just run together. I'm not very OCD...for instance, I don't leave pages in between, I just go to the next page at the back and re-label it. Example: 5 pages in a row with these headings - Quotes I Love, Things to Research, Quotes I Love, Movies to See, Things to Research...et cetera. When I think of a new category, I just start a new list. This whole thing has been going on for a few months now, and it makes me ecstatic. I don't think anyone would be able to tell a change from the outside, but my crazy mind sure is more at ease.

Most other things in my life are a total mess, though. Actually, EVERYTHING else in my life is.

Let's start with our apartment...SHEESH. What.is.wrong.with.me? No matter how hard I try, I can't get it together. There are piles everywhere. Piles of crap, on counters, floors, couches. In corners, drawers, shelves. It's overwhelming. The thing is, though - I don't like it this way. I truly do want it to be different. But, as I said to Mark earlier tonight, "Intentions aren't reality." I've got to change this reality soon, or Mark will die. (Okay, not really die, but he will be really frustrated with me.)

Our bathroom even needs to be cleaned, which irks me to no end. I despise dirty bathrooms. I had a thought earlier, though...last weekend, Mark and I went to Birmingham for his mom's wedding, and we stayed with his brother one night. His brother's bathroom was dirty (not extremely by any means; he just lives with guys, so I wasn't surprised), and I found myself sitting there analyzing the floorboards and the sink handles and things. How ridiculous, because when I got home later that afternoon, I noticed that our bathroom looked the exact same, if not worse. It's funny, huh - when it's your own dirt, you don't notice it nearly as much, and you're not as bothered by it. Hm.

The discipline in my life is a total wreck, too. I'm completely off. I'm trying to be good in this area by making a standard daily to-do list (separate notebook, also in my purse), but I am failing miserably. Yikes. There seriously aren't enough hours in the day...I'm going to start sleeping less.

There hasn't been a day since the new year has started that I haven't been utterly exhausted, though. After keeping a 5 month old, an almost 3 year old, and teaching 12 almost three year olds every day, I am W.I.P.E.D. O.U.T. in the worst way. After 7 pm, I'm useless.

It's getting late, and this blog doesn't make much sense or have a point. In other news, it's Bandit's BIRTHDAY! My sweet stinky pumpkin baby is ONE YEAR OLD. (Only moms understand those ridiculous names.) I am still as in love as ever.

My exhaustion is taking over. Blah. I'll end with this:

Every time I see this it brings me unspeakable joy.